And so, we come to the last installment in our Negotiating Your Mindset series. Not that there isn’t more I could write about … there are multiple books worth of content on this important issue … but my aim was to highlight this oft-forgotten negotiation so you can start taking steps now to take control of your mindset. When you do so with intention, you take control of your life.
So far, we’ve tackled:
- Choice and Control
- Gifts of Gratitude
- Strength in Service
- Power of Thoughts
- Loving Yourself Unconditionally
- Living Fully Present
- Direction of Your Focus
- Abundance Mindset
- Letting the Universe Inspire You
- Releasing Worry
Today, I’ll share a few final tips and strategies that you can use on your journey to take back control of your life.
Choose What You Tolerate
You get what you tolerate in life. This holds true in your negotiation with yourself. What you are tolerant of and tolerate for yourself is what you’ll get.
If you stay in your comfort zone, afraid of the unknown, of pushing your limits, of challenging the status quo or your beliefs, you won’t reach your full potential. You won’t fulfill your vision by hanging back in your comfortable space. Most end-of-life regrets are for chances not taken and experiences not lived. You’re not likely to reach the end of your life feeling relieved at having played it safe.
The good news is that it only takes a simple mindset shift. Simply make a decision that you won’t tolerate mediocrity from yourself anymore. Decide what you want in life and make a pact with yourself that you won’t tolerate anything less. You don’t need to turn your world upside-down overnight. But start. Take one step outside your comfort zone, towards a larger vision for yourself. And then another. Every journey, big and small, starts with a decision to take a step in that direction.
In addition to your internal negotiation about what you’ll tolerate of yourself, I invite you to start the internal dialogue about what you’re prepared to tolerate of others. You set the tone for how you will be treated. Take ownership of that. If you find yourself wishing that someone in your life wouldn’t treat you a particular way, maybe it’s time you turned the lens on yourself. Why have you been tolerating it?
I come to you with these nuggets having learned on the hard road of experience. I spent many decades training people in my life to take advantage of me. It caused me much heartache and many lost relationships. And it also cost those I thought I was being generous to. They became smaller versions, unable to achieve their full potential.
Ask yourself today, what are 3 things that you’ve been tolerating that don’t serve you … and brainstorm how you’re going to change that pattern.
Invoke the Power of Questions
If you ask bad questions, you’ll get bad answers. The opposite is also true. If you ask better questions, you’ll get better answers. Maybe it’s time to reframe the questions you’re asking yourself. To ask better questions.
These questions are usually based on the stories we tell ourselves. Stories about why we’re not good enough, or strong enough, or smart enough … or just plain not enough. We’ve usually carried these stories and narratives since childhood and we continue to repeat them even though they don’t serve us.
Flip your stories, flip your life. Why not decide today to start challenging those old stories? And as you challenge your stories, get intentional about the questions you ask yourself. Instead of “Why is this happening to me?”, ask “What lessons can I continue to learn and share even more deeply in this moment?” or “What opportunities are waiting for me to discover them in this moment?”
Can you feel the difference? Feel the power in that shift. These simple reframes allow you to come from and show up in a place of potential and possibility instead of fear. Your brain tries to give you what it thinks you want. When you ask negative questions, your brain will look for examples to support that negativity … as that’s what it thinks you want. Why not train your brain to expect the best, to look for example of the best the world has to offer and to give you the best.
Train yourself to ask more empowered and empowering questions to get more empowered and empowering answers and in so doing, to lead a more powerful life.
As we come to the end of this series, I hope I have opened you up to reframe how you think of negotiation. Specifically, it was my intention that you start to think of your internal dialogue as a negotiation. And that you recognize it as your first and most important negotiation. By seizing control of your inner chatter and choosing your mindset with intention, you can stay out of the quicksand and stay unsinkable even in challenging times.
For more powerful tips on how to negotiate your mindset to lead a more powerful life, check out my book, Negotiate From Fear to Powerful Resilience: Shining light in the dark.