Negotiate With Yourself to be the Light That Shines in the Darkness

Today, I wanted to share a simple system that I hope you’ll find really helpful in these times.

One element of my Art of Feminine Negotiation program is my A.R.E. F.I.T model. It struck me recently how this model can help you negotiate during these times to show up as your best self and help navigate to make this process easier for yourself and for those that you love.

For those who aren't familiar with my A.R.E. F.I.T. system, it’s a really simple mnemonic I created to help you remember the concept. Just think, you ARE FIT to negotiate these different times.

A = assertive, R = rapport building, E = empathy, F = flexibility, I = intuition and T = trust.

These six skill-sets are key game changers. While the model is the foundation for all great negotiations, I want to share today how you can apply it to negotiate with yourself through this COVID situation.

A: Get ASSERTIVE with yourself. What do I mean by that? I'm inviting you to consider your mindset with real intention and to recognize it is a choice. I invite you to get assertive with yourself about where your focus goes. Focus on the beautiful gifts that abound out there. Focus on things that you can be grateful for now, in this moment. Focus on the impact you're having on others. If you're posting doom and gloom messages on social media right now, just pause and ask yourself, ‘will this best serve me and does this best serve others right now’? Maybe, instead, be intentional to share messages of hope and possibility. Be the light that shines in the darkness, rather than the person who chooses to help perpetuate fear. Be assertive with yourself around perspective. Elevate your perspective. Rather than staying locked down in a place of fear, lift yourself up and get a higher perspective. Also seek perspective of comparing where you've been to where you are now and where you want to be at the end of this. That's a really empowering perspective shift that you get to control. That is a choice you can make.

R: How do you build RAPPORT with yourself? I'm glad you asked. Love yourself unconditionally, always, but especially in these times. Be self-centered. And by that, I don't mean be selfish. I mean center yourself, ground yourself, let yourself be self-centered. Fall madly, deeply, truly in love with yourself, because otherwise, how can you show up as the best version of yourself? How can you have the most impact on others if you're not coming from a place where you love yourself unconditionally?

E: Have EMPATHY for yourself. When I talk about being assertive with yourself and your mindset choices, I'm not saying it’s easy. Do I fall off the wagon and not show up as my best self? Oh my gosh, yes! Have I had days since this started when I want to curl up in a ball and just feel overwhelmed with everything pushing in? Absolutely! Give yourself empathy. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself permission to be perfectly imperfect in your humanity. You are going to have moments when you succumb to fear. You're going to have moments when you probably aren’t your highest self. That's okay. We're all human. We are all perfectly imperfect. Just choose not to stay there. Choose to let yourself make better choices next time. 

F: Let's face it, we're all being forced to be a little FLEXIBLE during this time. What if you let go of the old paradigms and see this ‘new normal’ as a potential gift, not something to be terrified of? Think about the opportunity this presents, with pollution counts down and the chance to see Mother Earth in reprieve, to be able to breathe and take a moment to pause. What a beautiful gift. What if we see this new paradigm shift as an opportunity for us to examine how we’ve been living our lives and getting to make new choices about how we want to go forward? How beautiful is that? Think of yourself as a caterpillar, forced in this quasi cocoon right now with the opportunity to come out with a gorgeous metamorphosis. So be flexible to new ways of being right now and think how you can make that work for you. What a beautiful gift and paradigm shift that simple mindset shift is.

I: As always, and especially in these times, I invite you to trust your INTUITION. You're no doubt getting information pressing in on us from all sides. It's easy to let yourself drown in it. Inform yourself, by all means … and … I invite you to reconsider whether you want to stay tied to your TV or news. Check in, find out what you need to know today to keep yourself safe, but don't obsess about it. Don't let yourself stay in that dark place. Choose to find more positive perspectives. They’re popping up everywhere if you choose to look for them. Trust your intuition to guide you as to what’s relevant and resonant for you. Make sure you're being smart about questioning the information you're getting, and at the end, trust your intuition about what works for you and the people that you love and care about.

T: Speaking of TRUST, I invite you to trust, in your core, that you're going to be okay. It's going to be okay. Trust in your ability to make the decisions you need to make for you and the people that you love. Trust in that, and in the universe as well.

In summary, get assertive with yourself around your mindset choices. Build rapport and love yourself unconditionally. Have empathy for yourself. Forgive yourself and give yourself permission to be imperfectly perfectly human. Be flexible about this new paradigm shift, embrace it, and look at it as an opportunity. Trust your intuition. Inform yourself, but ultimately trust what's right for you and trust that this is all going to be okay and that you're okay.

Be the change you wish to see in the world. Go forward and shine. Be that light that shines in the darkness.


If you’re interested in kick-starting 2020 to make it your best year and decade, try our new Women On Purpose Planner, designed and dedicated to helping you step into a purposeful and purpose-driven life!


A.R.E.F.I.T. Model, assertive, be the light, Empathy, Flexibility, intuition, negotiaite with yourself, Rapport-building, trust

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